John tried to focus on debriefing Evan, but his head wasn’t really in it. Too much had happened over the last twenty-four hours for him to really process and there was the whole ‘discussion’ with Elizabeth still looming over his head. He knew he had screwed up big time when he inadvertently outed his and Rodney’s relationship, and he dreaded the fallout. He knew her options for punishments were limited, after all. He couldn’t be court marshalled, couldn’t be reassigned or fired, and neither could Rodney. But there were still plenty of other ways to reprimand them and none of them were good.
“They had guards on us at all times but no overtures were made, sir. I have to think that, considering what you’ve just told me about the Genii, they were there to make sure we didn’t try to go back to Atlantis too early,” Evan said with a speculative look.
Leaning back in his chair, John swiveled back and forth as he considered that. He nodded. “Seems plausible. Either way, I think we are done with the Manarians. Their hand in this whole fiasco means I feel absolutely no qualms about reneging on our deal.”
“Yes, sir,” Evan agreed. Clearing his throat, Evan tilted his head. “Permission to speak freely?”
John nodded, eyebrow raised in question.
“With all due respect, John, you look like hell. Why don’t you go get some rest. Ioan and I will get everyone settled back in.”
He smiled softly. “Thank you, Evan. I think I will do just that. It’s been a long, long day.” Getting to his feet, he stretched his arms over his head and groaned at the satisfying pop it produced. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
Evan grinned. “Yes, sir.” He followed John out of his office.
“John? My office,” Elizabeth called as he headed toward the stairs.
He winced but did as ordered. His heart sank when he saw Rodney and Carson already there. He wondered why the doctor was present and, for a moment, concern for Rodney spiked in him. Had he been hurt worse than he had thought?
“Have a seat, Major,” Elizabeth said, pointing to the empty chair next to Rodney.
Fighting the urge to grab Rodney’s hand, John sat down and tried to mask his expression. A sidelong glance at Rodney nearly undid him, though. The poor guy looked wretched and nervous. Clearing his throat, he frowned. “Look, Elizabeth, I get that we need to talk, but maybe this could wait until after we’ve had some rest?”
She held up a hand to stop him. John’s eyes flickered to Carson as he stood behind her. What the hell was going on here? “John,” Elizabeth murmured, catching his attention again. She folded her hands on the table and leaned forward slightly, her gaze intent on his for a moment. “This can’t wait. I promise, you and Rodney can have some time soon to think over things, but this is too important to put on hold. I’m sure you’ll understand why when you hear what we have to say.”
What we have to say? What did that mean? John shared a confused look with Rodney before focusing back on her. Shifting in his seat, he attempted to appear casual, but he was feeling anything but. “Okay.”
Elizabeth nodded. Seeming to steel herself, she looked at both of them. “During his attempts to perfect the ATA gene therapy, Carson ran across some… information in the Ancient database that will have an impact on you. On all gene carriers, actually.”
“What are you talking about?” Rodney asked then looked sharply at Carson. “What is she talking about?”
“Rodney,” Elizabeth intoned patiently. John just caught the twitch of Rodney’s jaw out of the corner of his eye, but he kept his focus on Elizabeth and Carson. There was something going on here, and he wasn’t sure he liked the sound of it. With a sigh, Elizabeth glanced at her hands briefly before meeting their gaze again. “According to the data Carson found, the Ancients had… They had soulmates.”
“They had what?” Rodney cried out, incredulous. “That is the biggest load of crock I’ve ever heard. Soulmates are a fantasy. It’s something that the entertainment industry uses to sell books and movies. Soulmates aren’t real.”
“Rodney,” Carson said quietly, eyes fixed on Rodney. “She’s telling the truth, lad.”
Rodney shook his head. John wasn’t sure what to believe just then. He was inclined to agree with Rodney. Soulmates were the stuff of romance novels, not real life. Elizabeth shifted her laptop so the screen faced them. “See for yourself. Carson discovered strange markers in your genome. At first, he simply wrote it off as a quirk of Ancient genes. But as he checked the other ATA carriers, he noticed the markers came in pairs, and no pairs were alike from one to the next. According to the information he found, those markers indicate a soul bond.”
Rodney leaned forward, peering intently at the screen with his mouth agape. John shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He rubbed the back of his neck. “Okay, so… what does that mean?”
“Whose results are these?” Rodney cut in before anyone could answer.
Carson coughed nervously. “Yours.” At Rodney’s narrowed eyes, he added, “Yours and Major Sheppard’s.”
Rodney turned to face him and they stared at each other wide-eyed. They were soulmates? Taking a steadying breath, John shifted his gaze to Carson. “What does that mean, exactly?” he asked quietly.
“We’re not entirely sure, to be honest. I wasn’t able to find much more on the markers than the fact that they indicate a soul bond,” Carson admitted. “There’s got to be more information on the database, but it’ll take time to sift through it all.”
Rodney settled back in his seat, and John couldn’t help but think he seemed… small. Like he had shrunk in on himself somehow. “Okay, but what does this mean for us?” Rodney asked, staring intently at Elizabeth.
She cleared her throat and cast her eyes down at her hands again briefly before meeting his gaze again. “I don’t know what it means for you as far as your… relationship goes, Rodney. That is between the two of you. As for what it means for your relative positions on the expedition… I think it’s safe to say that we will have to make some changes.”
John’s stomach turned to ice. What kinds of changes did she mean? Clenching his jaw, he squared his shoulders, but before he could argue with her one way or the other, she held up her hand and continued, “You two are far from the only soul bonded on the city. Most of the ATA carriers that came with us, whether they got the gene naturally or through the therapy, have a mate on Atlantis. If we are to function at all as a society, that means we will need to adjust.”
He nodded, relaxing slightly as he let out a long, slow breath. “Okay, yeah… So..?”
She offered him a small smile. “I’m calling a meeting tomorrow morning at nine so we can discuss the finer details. I need you both here, as well as Major Lorne, and Dr. MacTavish.”
John frowned at the wince Carson failed to hide at the mention of his colleague. He wondered what that was about. Elizabeth sighed. “Gentlemen, I suggest you get some rest. I have a feeling we will be in for some strenuous times starting tomorrow.”
Rodney scoffed and John just caught his muttered, “As if everything has been sunshine and daisies so far.”
John nodded, getting to his feet. Helping Rodney to his, he glanced at Carson and jerked his head to Rodney. “He gonna be okay or does he need to stop by the infirmary first?”
Carson shook his head. “I’ve looked at his arm already. No showers or manual labor for a while until his stitches are out, but aside from that, he’s fine,” Carson promised.
John nodded and guided Rodney to the door. The man looked dead on his feet and John wasn’t doing much better himself. “We’ll see you at nine, then.” He didn’t wait for their reply as he and Rodney made their way to the transporter in silence. Without discussion, they headed to John’s quarters, and as soon as they were behind the locked door, they wrapped their arms around each other. Holding Rodney grounded John, allowed him to think about what they had just been told.
“Do you believe them?” Rodney whispered into his neck, sending shivers down his spine.
John allowed himself a moment to let his mind wrap itself around the information before nodding. “Yeah, I think I do. Rodney…” He pulled away just far enough to be able to look the other man in the eye. “Have you ever felt anything like this?”
Searching John’s eyes, Rodney shook his head. “No, but you know my history,” he said quietly.
John smiled ruefully. “Yeah, I know. Thing is, Rodney… I’ve never felt for anyone like I do for you. How I feel… it came on so quickly, so strongly… I didn’t understand it. Hell, I still don’t, but if what Carson and Elizabeth said is true, it would explain so much.”
He frowned as he touched Rodney’s bandaged arm lightly. John sighed, remembering. “I think… I think I felt it – sort of – when he did this.” Caressing the bruise on Rodney’s jaw from Kolya’s backhand, he added, “And this. How could I have, Rodney? How is that even possible?”
“I don’t know,” Rodney murmured, eyes glistening. Blinking, he shook his head. “I’m so tired, John.”
“Stay?”
Rodney nodded. “Please. I really don’t want to be alone right now. Not after-” He gulped, unable to finish his sentence, but John understood. Rodney had seriously feared for his life, and that of Elizabeth and John. The adrenaline surge he had experienced was making him crash now, and on top of everything else, they had just had a new reality dumped on them. Yeah, John didn’t want to be alone, either. Not now.
Not ever again if he had his way.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Mac watched from across the infirmary as Carson rested his head in his hands and closed his eyes. He was still pissed at the man for keeping his secrets, but he was also concerned for his friend. He had had quite a blow to the head and as a result was suffering from a mild concussion. Why was he here when he should be in his quarters resting? Walking over to stand in front of Carson’s desk, he crossed his arms over his chest. “You shouldn’t be here, Carson.”
“I know.” Carson’s voice was muffled. He sounded exhausted.
Quirking a brow, Mac sighed. “Then why are you here instead of your bed?”
Lifting his head, Carson looked up at him with a drawn expression. “Because I have too much to do. Speaking of which, we have a nine o’clock meeting with Elizabeth in the morning.”
Mac blinked in surprise. “Why?”
Carson’s gaze shied away from him and his cheeks flushed, raising Mac’s suspicion. “It’s regarding the DNA markers we discovered, among other things.”
Temper flaring, Mac took a deep breath. For days, he had been keeping himself in check, processing what he had learned and trying to decide how to approach Carson. And when he had finally decided to broach the subject with him, the storm had put a halt to it. There had been no time, and when he had returned to Atlantis it was to find Carson concussed. He had intended to wait until the man felt better, but now he had brought the matter up himself and he was still avoiding the issue!
“You mean about the soul bonds?” he ground out.
Carson’s head swiveled to look at him with wide-eyed shock. “How did you know about that, lad?”
This time it was Mac’s turn to flush. “I did some research on the markers while you were on the mainland a few days ago, using the new program Kimberly’s been working on. Figured it would be a good test case for it.”
“You did what?” Carson exclaimed, wincing at the pain his own raised voice brought on. “I thought I told you to stop looking into that, Mac?”
“Aye, you did. I wasn’t exactly expecting to find much. Her program is still in beta, after all.”
“In beta?” Carson mumbled then shook his head. “Never mind that. Obviously you found out about the existence of the soul bonds, what else did you find?”
Taking a deep breath, Mac stared at the ceiling while counting to ten before meeting Carson’s gaze again. “I found out a fair bit. Including the fact that you withheld the fact that I have a soulmate and who that person is!” Mac ended on a roar, slamming his palms on the man’s desk as he leaned toward him, glaring. “How could you, Carson?! I thought we were friends.” His voice broke on the last word.
Carson blanched, and he had to swallow several times before he found his voice again, eyes glistening with emotion. “I’m sorry, lad. I didn’t really know what to do, and when I talked to Elizabeth, she thought it was best if we kept it between us for the time being.”
Disgusted, Mac pushed off from the desk and paced around the room, his fingers laced behind his head. He gave a mirthless laugh as he shook his head. “Right. Because withholding something as important as a soul bond is always the right thing to do. Seriously, Carson, what were you thinking? Both of you? This is about our lives. It throws everything we thought we knew into a different perspective. Everything!”
Scrubbing his face, Carson groaned. “I know, Mac. I know, alright. I’ve been carrying this knowledge for weeks now and I still don’t know how to handle it.” Sighing, Carson added, “Please, Mac. What did you find out about the soul bonds? I’d like to have all the information I can get before the meeting with Elizabeth tomorrow.”
With a huff, Mac stalked around Carson’s desk, pulled the man’s laptop to him and pulled up the folder he had secured on the system. “Read for yourself,” he said curtly as he made his way to the door. Pausing, he glanced over his shoulder. “I don’t know how long it’ll be before I can forgive you for this Carson.”
Carson shot him a sorrowful look. “I know, lad. For what it’s worth, I am very sorry.”
Mac nodded. “I know.” With that, he left in search of his own quarters.
The following morning, Mac was one of the first to arrive for the meeting. He was exhausted, not having slept very well after his confrontation with Carson the night before. Though he was trying to kick the habit, he carefully doctored a cup of coffee and took a seat. He needed the boost of caffeine today.
Elizabeth greeted him with a smile as she took her usual seat, soon followed by Carson who looked as tired as Mac felt, and Evan who seemed a little confused. Mac shot him a small smile, unable to muster more for the heavy feeling that settled in his stomach. From the look of him, Evan had no clue what this meeting was about, and Mac didn’t relish what he was certain would follow.
John and Rodney straggled in last, closing the door behind them. Mac tilted his head slightly as he took in their body language. They gravitated toward each other even more so than normal. Both men looked beyond worn out, yet there was something nearly palpable between them that had Mac sitting up a little straighter. They knew they were soulmates. That had to be it. It would explain so much, knowing Rodney as he did.
Elizabeth cleared her throat. “Alright, gentlemen. I think we can begin.”
Throughout the explanation of the soul bond discoveries, Mac kept a furtive eye on the others, though most of his focus was on his major. He was unsurprised to see the color drain from Evan’s face upon hearing that all ATA carriers had a soul bond. What did surprise him was the way both Rodney and John seemed to come to attention when Carson talked about the things a soul bond did. They shared a knowing look between them that confirmed Mac’s suspicions.
Once Carson had relayed all the information that Mac had managed to find, Elizabeth took up the mantle again, meeting each man’s eyes in turn. “Well, gentlemen. As you’ve heard, we’ve had some pretty amazing discoveries already and I’m sure there’s bound to be more, if you’ll pardon the pun. However, my main concern is the people of this expedition. It seems obvious to me that the regulations we’ve been working under can no longer apply, considering the fact that our military commander and our CSO are bonded. That said, how are we to change them without losing what structure we currently have?”
Mac thought Evan looked a little piqued, yet the man did his best to try to come up with suggestions. Something that made Mac proud of him even as he worried for him. They bounced ideas around for a while, agreeing that the fraternization regs had to go, even for those of the expedition who weren’t bonded. They couldn’t have two sets of rules if they were to make it in Pegasus.
Carson stared down at his hands. “That’s all well and good, but how are we going to get word out there?”
Mac cleared his throat, sitting up so he could lean on the table. “I was thinking about that, actually. We have to let people know about the soul bonds. That’s a given. To do otherwise is cruel,” he said with a sidelong glance at Carson, who flushed but remained silent. “That said,” Mac continued, “I feel that a soul bond is an extremely personal matter. I suggest that we make the general idea public, and if people wish to know who their soulmates are, they need to come to talk to Carson. Only when both bonded express an interest in finding out who their mate is, will that information be released. I think it’s the only fair thing to do.”
Elizabeth nodded, but before she could say anything Rodney chimed in, “That’s actually a good idea. Carson, we need to take all the results offline so no one can try to hack into your system to find out. I really don’t think it’s a good idea for it to be public. There’s too much room for abuse that way, and I refuse to allow that to happen. If Elizabeth’s agreeable, I’ll stop by the infirmary after we’re done, pull everything off the servers, and set you up with a non-networked laptop for all of this.”
“Excellent idea, Rodney,” Elizabeth said with a smile, though it faltered when she looked at him and John. “That leaves one more thing. How do you want to tackle the soul bond issue? I know it’s currently just a few people in the know, but given your positions in the city, I doubt it will remain a secret for long.”
John and Rodney shared a look as they reached for each other and held hands. John looked Elizabeth square in the eye. “We’ve talked about it and think it’s best if we become the ‘poster boys’ of this shindig, so to speak. Like you said, there’s really no hiding it for us in the long run, and at least this way we can set an example for everyone else,” John said quietly.
Mac glanced at Evan who was staring at his CO with an unreadable look. Mac didn’t think it was negative in any way, at least not toward John or Rodney, but Mac wasn’t so sure about that in relation to Evan himself.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“Alright, that settles it, then,” Elizabeth concluded. “I will have a city-wide announcement ready later today and post it to the server, though I’ll hold off on doing so until Rodney tells me all the DNA results have been secured.” Rodney nodded, already taking notes on his pad even as she continued. “Now, unless there was anything else that you feel should be addressed? No? Then I think we’re done here. Better get busy, gentlemen.”
Evan nodded, still feeling slightly nauseated as he made his way out of her office on auto-pilot. He was vaguely aware of Mac calling after him but waved him off. He needed to be alone to think. All through the meeting, his thoughts had been spinning out of control and it had been all he could do to follow along with the discussion.
How he ended up on the east pier, Evan had no clue. He had absolutely no memory of making his way through the city. Sliding down against the wall, he stared out over the ocean and let his thoughts drift. He had a soulmate. Evan’s ATA gene was natural, so he’d had the marker his whole life. Ioan, too.
Evan’s thoughts kept circling back to his Jim. Had Jim been his soulmate? Their love had been so strong, and Evan had always been so sure of the man. Jim had been the love of his life, so surely… Evan pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around them, burying his face between them and let the tears flow. The thought of Jim having been his mate somehow made the loss of him come to the forefront and he felt it keenly. Evan wasn’t sure he really wanted the answer. He thought he already knew the answer and it was lying in a grave back on Earth. Yet a tiny voice in the back of his mind kept nudging him with ‘what if?’
What if it hadn’t been Jim?
What if he had a soulmate, but he was one of those who didn’t have their bonded on the city?
What if he did?
What if? What if? What if?
A shiver roused Evan from his thoughts as the wind picked up. A quick glance at the sky told him he had been out here longer than he had intended. He was certain to be in trouble for dereliction of duty as he was supposed to be taking care of drills, but he found he didn’t care. He got stiffly to his feet, wiping his hands on his fatigues before scrubbing his face and taking a deep, calming breath. He needed to know. One way or the other. There was nothing for it.
When he made his way to the infirmary he made a beeline for Carson’s office, ignoring the friendly greetings of the nurses as he passed them. Thankfully, the man was alone in his office. He knocked and Carson looked up, flinching slightly when he saw who it was. “Ah. Major Lorne,” he said with a sigh.
Stepping into the little room, Evan let his eyes roam, unable to meet the man’s gaze. “I…” He cleared his throat and tried again. “I was wondering about… about my soulmate.”
Carson looked helplessly around. “Ah, lad,” he said softly. “I don’t think-”
A hand on his shoulder startled Evan and he spun around, surprised to see Mac smiling sadly at him. “It’s alright, Carson. I’ll handle this.”
Evan frowned, wondering what Mac meant. He barely registered Carson’s, “Aye, if you’re sure, lad,” as Mac guided him to his own office and into a chair.
“Mac?” Evan asked shakily with a sudden feeling of trepidation.
Mac kneeled in front of him and took both Evan’s hands in his. Taking a deep breath, he stared into Evan’s eyes and whispered, “I’m sorry, love. I-” Closing his eyes briefly, Mac huffed and tried again. “Evan, I’m your soulmate.”
For a second, Evan thought his heart was torn in two and he couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. Blinking rapidly, Mac’s words echoed through his brain: I’m your soulmate.
“But…” No more words would come, even though his mind was racing. Spiraling further and further downward until he had to get away. Had to get air. He had to-
Shaking his head, he jumped to his feet, knocking Mac off-balance as he all but ran out of the infirmary. No. No, it wasn’t possible. It wasn’t right. Jim had been his soulmate. He had to have been. If it was Mac, then what had his love for Jim meant? What did that say about Evan?
“Evan?!” Mac called over the comms. Evan ignored him, tearing the earpiece away from him before shutting it off. Throwing himself onto his bed, he curled up into a ball, silently begging Jim’s forgiveness.
He must have dozed off because the next thing Evan became aware of was Ioan running a hand over his back just like their mom used to do when they were kids and they’d been upset. When Evan turned his face toward him, Ioan smiled sadly at him. “Oh, Ev,” he murmured.
Never had Evan been so glad to be stationed with his brother as he was in that moment. It didn’t matter that they were both grown men in the military and living on another planet in another galaxy. No, in that moment, they were just Evan and Ioan, brothers and best friends as Evan filled Ioan in on everything and sharing his inner turmoil over it all. No one knew Evan better than Ioan did, understood how he worked. When he needed to just vent his spleen and when he needed a talking to. This time, he got a little bit of both as he had known he would.
“It’ll be alright, Ev,” Ioan promised. “Just… give it time. Give yourself time. Mac’s a good guy. He understands.”
Evan rolled his eyes, huffing as he wrapped his arms around his knees again. “I know he is, but after-”
Ioan shook his head. “Who do you think called me to come check on you, doofus?”
Shocked, Evan turned to his brother, who sat grinning at him.
“And he took Major Sheppard aside and explained what was going on with you. No details, but enough to make sure the major rearranged the schedule and covered the drills. You were officially taken off duty for the day.”
Evan gaped. “Mac did that?” he asked quietly.
Ioan nodded. “Yes, he did.”
Dropping his chin on his knees, Evan stared out of his window, mumbling, “I don’t think I deserve him.”
“Seems like he disagrees with that, and so do I, for that matter.”
He glanced back at his brother with a wan smile. “What? No digs?”
“Nope. Not this time. I told you before, Ev, it’s about time you found someone again. You deserve love in your life. Now you have Mac. Go for it, I say.”
“Thanks, Ioan.”
“You’re welcome. You gonna be okay now?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I just need some time to think. Sort stuff out for myself.”
Ioan nodded and hugged him. “You know where to find me,” he said as he left Evan alone to his thoughts which were a lot more hopeful than they had been earlier. His brother was right. If this whole soulmate thing was true then he did have Mac.
He sat staring out over the ocean for a while before putting his earpiece in again and tapping the comms. “Mac?” he said softly.
“Evan!” Mac sounded relieved, which sent a pang of guilt through Evan.
“Hey,” he said stupidly. “I was wondering… have you got a minute?” He bit his lip nervously, though he didn’t have to wait long for his answer.
“I’ll be right there.”
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