At The Deep End – EPOV drabbles

A/N: It’s EJSantry‘s birthday! I hope you enjoy your birthday drabbles!
SorceressCirce gave the prompts and beta’d this.
These are all EPOV from At The Deep End, spanning post-camp/pre-reunion.
Happy Birthday, EJSantry!!


I’ve been home for three days now and have barely talked at all.
Mom knows something’s bothering me, but I just…can’t. Every time I think of him, I want to curl up into a ball and cry, so I try not to think at all.
It doesn’t work.
I’m on the swingset, just moving back and forth. It’s as if this is the only place where my mind is able to let go, even just a little, my heart not quite so heavy as I’m able to remember happier days. Days filled with laughter, before…

This is wrong! Can’t do this…have to stop…God, so good…No! Wrong, have to…can’t…
My hands grasp strands of dirty-blond hair – trying to stop, to push harder, to pull away.
My eyes screwed tightly shut as I fight with myself.
The feeling of being swallowed, the tongue that’s teasing me just right…so close.
Gasping, I tilt my head back and moan, losing my battle as I come.
I blink away tears as light blue eyes gaze up at me. Not his.
Clothes back in place, he thanks me and steps out of the closet.
I remain – crestfallen and lost.

It’s been two months since we moved, and I’m still getting used to Seattle-life. It’s different, but I like it.
College started today; classes so far have been interesting. I get lots of looks, but I’m used to that.
Many things have changed in my life, except one. I’m still hiding, denying myself, trying to be what I’m not.
I ignore the looks of interest from men and women alike.
Class is about to start, and someone slips into the empty seat at my desk. I look up. She has brown hair and eyes, and she’s smiling.
“Hi, I’m Bella.”

My knee is bouncing, my palms sweaty, and I feel like I could throw up. Again.
Mom and Dad’s eyes raise goosebumps on my skin, but I can’t make myself look at them.
Bella places a calming hand on mine, and I swallow the bile that rises, leaving a bitter taste.
With a nod, I look at Mom. My voice is scratchy, barely above a whisper as I finally utter the words that will either set me free or haunt me forever.
“Mom…Dad…” My eyes flicker between them as I take a deep breath and plunge forward. “I…I’m gay.”

The team’s standing around me. Bella holds up a bowl of lime wedges and one with salt, while Emmett pours me a shot of tequila.
As I lick my hand and sprinkle the salt, they start singing “Happy Birthday.” I slam down the shot, pulling a face, causing some of them to falter. I quickly suck on the lime, vowing never to drink tequila again. Gross!
But it’s tradition.
As is the birthday-kiss.
I smile as he pulls me closer, his brown eyes gazing into mine. For a moment, I’m lost as his lips press to mine.
“Happy twenty-first, babe.”

1 Comment

  1. Awww Edward's sadness is so raw. His wanting to forget, but still holding on, is painful. The fear of being discovered as well as the terror of coming out to his parents was suffocating. His birthday celebration showed us that he moved on, and is comfortable with his sexuality, at that point.Again Nae you slay me. So few words…just still so powerful. I adore you.xoxo, Jezzy

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