It had been 6 days since I first saw Jasper. Well, since I saw him again, anyway. And I was certain now, that it was him. The shock of recognizing him, of remembering what happened between us at camp, still hadn’t completely worn off. I was not sure what I was feeling anymore. My emotions have been all over the map.
He’s changed a bit over the years. Obviously. I mean, fuck, 10 years does a lot, especially since we were only 16 at the time. He certainly does look good. I sighed and glanced over at him again. It was just before training and Jasper stood to the side. He looked lost in thought and I couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking about.
My jaw clenched at that and anger flashed through me. 10 Years. I haven’t heard from him in 10 fucking years! And now he’s here, as if nothing ever happened. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, thinking back again.
We lay in bed together for a while after that first time. Just talking about anything and everything but what had happened. Our fingers trailing over the other’s body. It felt nice and I was relaxed and happy. Whatever this feeling was, this electricity between us, I knew it was special. I had never felt anything remotely like it. I watched Jazz carefully, and he seemed happy, too. I smiled at him and brushed my lips against his. He let out a soft sigh and closed his eyes briefly. When he opened them again, I thought I saw a flicker of an emotion I couldn’t quite place. Was it doubt, pain, remorse? It was gone almost as quick as it came and he smiled at me.
He murmured against my lips. “I think we should try and get some sleep.” He kissed me tenderly for the briefest moment and I sighed.
“Yeah…..I suppose we should.” I couldn’t help but pout a little at the thought of leaving his bed.
He chuckled softly as he nudged my side.
“Sweet dreams, Jazz.” I chuckled softly, gave him one last kiss, climbed out of his bed and crawled into mine.
“Edward, bro! You with us, or what?” Emmett put his hand on my shoulder and looked at me, a slight frown marring his brow with concern. He could tell something was off.
“What? Oh, yeah. Sorry, daydreaming, I guess.” I smiled wanly at him, silently thanking him for his concern. I wasn’t quite ready to talk to anyone about what was on my mind though. Not even with one of my best friends.
Training went by quickly. We focused on some of the things we needed to work on in order to be ready for the game in 2 weeks. After training, we decided to grab something to eat in the cafeteria. As much as I tried to keep my mind on the present and join in the conversations that took place around me, I couldn’t. Nor could I keep my eyes off of Jasper for very long. I caught him glancing at me more than once, and it made me anxious and excited. Just like that night.
I tried to listen to what Emmett and Bella were talking about. Something about the goalie for the team we’d be playing against. I wasn’t sure; my mind was only on Jazz.
The next day I had a hard time not looking at Jazz every chance I could get. Almost as hard of a time as I had keeping my hands to myself. I wanted to be close to him, to touch him so badly. I needed to feel more of what had happened last night, but I knew we couldn’t do anything. Not when we could get caught. We’d be sent home for sure, and I knew there’d be hell to pay if that were the reason. I sighed as I swam after Laurent, who had the ball.
I could feel Jazz’ eyes on me though. Apparently he had just as hard a time as I did. The thought of that made me a little anxious and I smiled. I caught his eyes on me and my smile grew wider. In that moment of inattention, Laurent pushed me under water. Unprepared and distracted as I was, I ended up gulping down water and came up coughing. Jazz was by my side in an instant, his eyes wide as saucers.
“Edward, are you ok?”
He put his hand on my shoulder and I grabbed onto him for support as I continued to cough. After a few seconds I was finally able to catch my breath and nodded.
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine Jazz.” I shot a glare at Laurent, who had a bemused look on his face as he watched us. Bastard
The coach called both Jazz and me out of the water and instructed him to make sure I saw the on site nurse. I didn’t want to go and almost said so, but the thought of being alone with him made me shut up. He placed his hand back on my shoulder as we walked into the locker room to change. The warmth of his hand spread through my whole body. I liked it, and I hoped he felt the same. We both kept glancing at each other as we got dressed.
“You sure you’re ok?” He whispered as he stepped next to me. We walked out of the locker room and towards the nurse’s office, not quite touching but close enough to feel the electricity between us.
“I’m fine.” I glanced at him, wondering why he seemed so concerned, but touched at the same time.
As I watched him, his eyes seemed to roam the area, and lit up. He grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards the edge of the camp. There were cabins there that weren’t in use, and he led me behind them; out of sight from prying eyes. My stomach felt like butterflies had been let loose in it.
“What…” I started to ask, before he turned and pushed me against the wall of the cabin behind me, kissing me hungrily.
My eyes closed as he pressed his body into mine. Moaning softly I tilted my head to deepen the kiss, my tongue tracing his lips. He opened his mouth and soon our tongues were fighting for dominance. My hands were all over his back, trying to get him closer. It felt like he couldn’t be close enough. He nudged my legs apart with his knee and stepped between them, pressing closer still. By now my erection was straining painfully against my jeans, and I could feel him as he shifted slightly against me. My eyes rolled back at the sensation of the friction that was provided. I pulled away from his kiss, my hands sliding up to his hair, massaging his scalp.
“Jazz?” I barely recognized my voice; it was so thick with need. I blinked, clearing my throat once and tried again. “Jazz?”
His breathing was ragged as he looked in my eyes. I tried to calm my own breathing as my eyes searched his. He shifted his hips against mine again and I growled softly as I flipped us around so his back was against the cabin now.
Leaning into him so my lips grazed his ear, I whispered. “God, Jazz….I don’t know if I can stop, if you keep this up.”
I flicked my tongue at his lobe, eliciting a small whimper from him. He rested his head against my shoulder, his hands clutching my side.
I could barely hear him as he spoke. “I don’t know that I want you to…..”
Bella placed her hand over mine; squeezing it gently and I flinched slightly at the sudden contact.
“Edward, what’s wrong?”
I looked around and saw that everyone was on their way out. Jasper was nowhere in sight and the feeling of loss took me by surprise. I frowned and turned to look at Bella, her beautiful brown eyes showing concern and caring. I smiled tiredly at her. I was lucky to have her as a friend.
I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. I didn’t want to talk about this, but I knew if I didn’t, I’d keep going in circles. Bella would listen. I let out a breath I wasn’t aware I’d been holding and looked at her, squeezing her hand in turn.
“Can we go somewhere and talk? Please?”
She nodded and got up.
“Your place or do you want to go somewhere else?”
“My place, I think.” I got up, placed my hand at the small of her back and smiled at her. “Thank you.”
She smiled and nodded. When we got to my car, I opened the door for her so she could get in. As usual when I did this, she chuckled and shook her head, but got in the car without a word. I grinned as I got in. The drive home was made in silence. I wasn’t ready to talk just yet. Bella shifted slightly in her seat, watching me quietly. She knew me too well and knew that I just needed some time. She always understood me and I loved her for it.
When we got to my apartment, I grabbed a couple of beers before settling on one end of the couch. I had my back to the armrest, one leg curled under me so I could see her as we talked. Bella mirrored my posture as she accepted her beer, opened it and took a swig. She’d stayed quiet the whole time, always watching me.
I looked down at my beer, unable to look into her eyes. I wasn’t ready to explain yet, and I knew she was waiting for me to start. I started peeling the label off the bottle. Sighing, I looked up at her.
“So…..” She raised a brow, inviting me to start talking.
“So.” I replied. Damnit… I don’t even know where to start. I took a deep breath and tried again.
“Bella, do you remember that night….”
I motioned my hand, knowing she’d understand what I was getting at, and continued when she nodded. I chuckled softly as I thought back to that night.
It had been about 3 years since camp. I hadn’t come out yet and was trying to be the good son. I knew my parents wanted me to find a nice girl, get married, and have kids. You know, the usual. I tried. And it just wasn’t there. Bella and I had gone out for a couple of weeks and we’d never made it past second base. Not for lack of her wanting to. It’s just that every time she’d try to go further, I froze, pretended to be a gentleman and called it a night.
That night wasn’t all that different. We’d come here to hang out once the movie was over. I can’t remember what it was we saw, but I vividly remember what happened after. I’d grabbed us a bottle of cider and some glasses after lighting up the fireplace. When I got back in to the living room, Bella was waiting for me on the rug in front of the fire, smiling and looking as beautiful as ever. I put the glasses down, poured the cider and placed the bottle on the coffee table behind us before sitting down on the floor next to her. I handed her a glass and lifted mine to my lips, watching her over the rim. I tried so hard to feel some spark, anything that could make me love this wonderful girl next to me. Well, love her in a more than “let’s just be friends”-way.
We just sat there for a few minutes, sipping our cider and looking at each other. Then, Bella took both our glasses and placed them on the table. I cupped her head with my hands as I leaned down to place a soft kiss on her lips. I couldn’t feel it. She opened her mouth and her tongue darted across my lips, teasing me. She tilted her head slightly and I granted her tongue entry into my mouth, our tongues dancing. I wanted to cry, I just couldn’t feel it. Hadn’t been able to with any girl, which I should have known. Which I couldn’t deny any longer.
I pulled away from the kiss and rested my forehead against hers. My voice was barely a whisper.
“I’m sorry, Bella. I can’t…”
I heard her take a deep breath before she spoke softly.
She pulled back slightly, stroking my cheek with her thumb as she looked at me.
“It’s not just me, is it?” Her voice was soft and gentle.
There was no trace of judgement, hurt or anger in her voice or her eyes. Taking a shallow breath, I shook my head. I felt horrid for having led her on like this and I could feel tears threaten, so I closed my eyes. She frowned a little, placed a small kiss on my lips and smiled sadly.
“I’m sorry, Edward. I should not have come at you like I have. It was wrong of me to try and make you feel something that’s not there.”
I looked up at her, stunned, my mouth slightly agape. Blinking rapidly, I could only stammer in amazement.
“You’re sorry? I’m the one that should be sorry…. How… how did you know?”
She giggled softly and winked at me.
“Call it a sixth sense, if you will. Or am I wrong in assuming that you are, in fact, not into women. Because if I am, tell me now and I’ll continue with the flirting.”
I just shook my head and chuckled softly.
“No, you’re not wrong. And I am sorry.”
She’d put her finger to my lips then. She filled our glasses back up, handed me mine and ordered me to ‘spill it’. So I did. We spent the rest of the night talking. I told her about everything. When I first knew that I was into guys. Why I hadn’t come out yet. What had happened at camp. Everything. Well, I left out the sordid details, but pretty much everything else. It felt so good to finally tell someone the truth. And it felt good to finally have someone accept me for who I really was. Bella and I had been vast friends ever since.
I sighed, put my beer down and ran my hands through my hair.
“Well, you remember me telling you about camp?”
“Yes, I remember, why?”
I put my arm on the back of the couch, rested my head on it as I looked her in the eye. I just said one word.
Her eyebrows flew up in shock.
“What? Are you telling me that…”
“That Jazz and Jasper are one and the same guy? Yes, that is exactly what I’m telling you.”
I growled in frustration and ran my fingers through my hair again. Nervous habit.
“I don’t know what to do, Bella. I don’t know what to think. Fuck. I don’t even know what I’m feeling right now. I’m so damn confused.”
Bella put her beer down on the table and scooted forward. She sighed softly as she gathered me in her arms, holding me tight as she let me get it off my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and rested my head on her shoulder. We sat like that for I don’t know how long. Mostly I talked and she listened, offering words of encouragement every now and again. Only after everything was out had she let go and looked at me. I slowly lifted my head and waited.
“You know what you have to do, don’t you, Edward? You can’t ignore this. You need to talk to him. Ten years is a long time, Edward. Don’t throw away a second chance at love.”
Bella’s words from last night kept running through my mind over and over again. She was right, of course. I would have to talk to him. So why was that so damned hard! I’d been all set to ask him to stay behind after training, so we could talk.
And then James had to pull his little stunt during the class and nearly drowned poor Jessica. I’d never been so scared in my life. We were all trained to give First Aid, but it was one thing to learn the ropes on a dummy. It was quite another to watch the limp body of that little girl as Jasper handed her over to me. She hadn’t been breathing, but between the two of us we got her back. I let Jasper stay with her as I went to deal with James. Once the initial shock was over, it was all I could do to not rip into that boy. That stupid, stupid boy! I kept control of myself though and told him we would have a talk with his Father, and also with Jessica and her Mom.
Jasper and I were alone in the hall then for a few moments; everyone else having been dispersed. I let my control slip slightly and thanked him for being there. This could have been so much worse. It very nearly was. I could feel that old familiar electric feeling between us, now that we were close to each other. I’d felt it while we had been working on Jessica too, but I couldn’t think of anything but her then. I shivered slightly as goose bumps covered my body, and I rubbed my arm. I started to get nervous and opted to escape, so I left the hall, saying I’d send someone in to help him retrieve the remaining bags from the pool. I was mad, mad at myself, at this whole situation. Why can’t you just buck up and talk to him!
James’ Father showed up right as I walked out of the hall into the lobby. James came walking out of the locker room, a look of panic on his face as his eyes went from me to his Father and back again. I saw him gulp as he shuffled over to us. I can’t blame him for being fearful. I let my frustration about everything out on his Father, it wasn’t my proudest moment. We both ended up shouting at each other, but in the end I managed to calm down enough to convey the severity of James’ transgression and to come to an agreement about his punishment; at least from the standpoint of the club. What happened at home, I had no control over, but I could tell James was scared. With the look of loathing on his Father’s face, I almost felt bad for the boy. Almost.
Once that was taken care of, I went to the locker room to change and shower, so I could join the team in practice. Jasper was already there, oblivious to his surroundings.
“You know what you have to do, don’t you, Edward? Don’t throw away a second chance at love.”
I watched him, making sure to stay out of sight, as Bella’s words haunted me again. Chicken shit. Jasper left and I hurried to get ready and go in after him. Emmett’s already started them on stamina training. Good. After 5 minutes, I changed routines so we’d be paired up. I couldn’t help myself and made sure that Jasper and I were opposite each other. I had to be close again, had to find out if he felt it still. My eyes were constantly on him now, but he didn’t seem to notice.
We went through a few other exercises, but my mind just wasn’t with it. I was glad when our time was up, and started to gather the balls. I felt Jasper as he came closer to help me, but neither of us spoke. The others just left us to it, and I silently thanked Bella, figuring that that was mostly her doing. She knew we needed to talk.
So here we were. Alone. Not talking. I sighed. I lingered in the storage closet, longer than I usually do. I was stalling and I knew it.
“Do you need help with anything else, Edward?” He asked.
“No, that’s ok. I’m just going to check on some stuff in here, make sure we’ve got everything we need for the game next week.”
I watched him walk into the locker room. As soon as he was out of sight I started banging my head against the door. Stupid stupid stupid! Just go after him. It’s still there, I know it! I only had to look down to my groin to know just how true that was.
I still felt it.
I still wanted him.
I needed him. So there was only one thing to do. Time to buck up, Edward. Go after him. Now.
So I went. I walked into the locker room and paused briefly as the sight of Jasper met my eyes. A very naked, very wet, very hot Jasper. I took a deep breath as I stepped forward. He hadn’t noticed me yet and had started to lather up. I want to do that…. Oh God, I’m in trouble…. I quickly stepped behind him, placed an arm on either side and pushed him into the wall. My hard cock pressed against his ass. The electricity was shooting through me now that we were pressed close and I could hear him gasp. Leaning my head forward slightly, I whispered huskily into his ear.
“Care to play another round of Truth or Dare?”
He froze. I briefly wondered if I’d gone too far.
I lifted off of him, allowing him room to move, but stayed close. My heart was beating a mile a minute as I watched him closely. I ran a hand through my hair and I could feel myself starting to panic. He doesn’t feel it. Jazz, please say something, I need to know…..
He closed his eyes briefly before taking a shuddering breath and turning around very slowly. He lifted his eyes to mine and the look on his face nearly took my breath away. I couldn’t make out all the emotions that seemed to go through him at that moment, but I prayed that it wasn’t all bad. He just stood there, watching me for what felt like hours. I reached past him and turned the shower off, just to give me something to do. I turned back to look at him once more to see him opening and closing his mouth a few times in an attempt to say something. He frowned as no words came out, cleared his throat and seemed to try again. I could barely hear him as he whispered to me.