I could feel my face turning red as I became acutely aware that I was very much naked, and I felt exposed in every way. I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around me, buying some time. My heart felt like it was trying to beat its way out of my chest, I was so nervous. I started chewing the inside of my lip as I watched him.
“Yeah, I did. I’ve been trying to work up the courage to talk to you.” He admitted, shifting from one foot to the other.
Looks like I’m not the only one who’s nervous.
I nodded and let out a gush of air. “At least you found it,” I said in soft whisper. I lowered my eyes to the floor, blushing again. I don’t know whether to kiss him senseless or run like hell…
He reached his hand to my chin and gently lifted it up so I would look at him. I sighed as I looked into his green eyes, and something inside seemed to just melt away. I did know what I wanted. It was the same thing that I shouldn’t allow myself to have, because it would surely tear my family apart. But I wanted him. His hand went from my chin to cup my cheek, and I leaned into it, closing my eyes so I could just enjoy the feel of him. This whole time, my body had been awash with the same electricity as we used to have. It almost felt like a constant buzzing sensation in every fiber of my being.
I opened my eyes again, taking a deep breath. The smell of him, mingled with the smell of chlorine, hit me then and gave me pause.
We were behind the unused cabins. I had pinned him against the wall and kissed him hungrily. I wanted to taste him, to feel his body close to mine. I didn’t understand what was happening to me. This wasn’t how I’d been raised, but this was exciting, new and more powerful than anything I’d ever felt before. Sure, I’d been with a few girls. I was no virgin by any means in that respect. But this? This need to be close to him, to be with him in every way? It was overwhelming, wonderful. And I wanted more.
I pressed closer as I felt his arms pull me to him. He seemed to want me just as badly. His moan fueled my want even further. He slid his hands up to my hair and massaged my scalp as he pulled away from our kiss.
His voice was thick, husky with desire. Desire for me. We were both breathing heavily, and I struggled to regain some control.
When he called my name again, I met his eyes as they searched for something in mine. I shifted my hips against his, the friction sending delicious fire through my body. It both thrilled and scared me. He growled softly as he flipped us around, my back now to the wall as he pressed into me. He leaned his head closer, his lips grazing my ear as he whispered, “God, Jazz…I don’t know if I can stop, if you keep this up.”
He flicked his tongue at my lobe, making me whimper softly. I rested my head against his shoulder and clutched my hands at his side as I whispered, “I don’t know that I want you to…”
My heart started to hammer as soon as the words left my mouth. I didn’t want him to stop, but at the same time I was anxious about what continuing might mean. He was still massaging my scalp gently, and the sensation relaxed me. His touch sent shivers down my spine as his warm breath fanned across my ear when he whispered, “I want you, Jazz.” I heard him take a breath as if to steady himself before he continued, “Just tell me if you want me to stop.”
He slid one hand down slowly and rested it on my belt for a moment, looking into my eyes for permission. His other hand was still on the back of my head. When I nodded my assent, he pulled me closer and kissed me tenderly. His other hand undid my belt and all the buttons of my fly. He slid his hand inside my boxers, and I moaned into his mouth. He deepened our kiss, stroking my length gently. All too soon he pulled away, and a small smile played on his lips when he noticed my slight pout at the loss of contact.
He slowly lowered himself to his knees, his eyes focused on mine, ever watchful of my reaction. He pulled my cock out of my boxers and placed a small kiss on my head. I gasped as his lips touched me there, and I stiffened slightly, panic washing over me. He must have seen my reaction, because he spoke softly to me, his hand continuing to stroke up my length. “It’s okay, Jazz. If you want me to stop, I will. I want to make you feel good, not cause you stress.”
His words were so tender, his touch so gentle, that I let myself relax. I gave in to my feelings. He wanted to please me. Me! At that moment, I simply did not want him to stop, so I nodded again.
My breathing hitched slightly as he licked his lips and took my head into his mouth. The feel of his tongue as he swirled it around was incredible. I kept my eyes on him as he slowly took more and more of my length in his mouth. I gasped as I hit the back of his throat. He started to move back and forth at a slow pace, his teeth grazing ever so slightly every time he moved back. His hand wrapped around the bottom, working my cock in sync with his mouth. I moaned, my fingers flexing, needing to do something. “Oh, God…”
He moaned as he took me back into his mouth, and the vibrations of it nearly became my undoing right there. Never before had I felt this. My hips bucked against my will as he increased the pace of his movements. I looked down at him to see his eyes still on me. He looked pleased, happy. And hot! I ran my fingers through his hair a few times before fisting them, eliciting a louder moan from him.
I couldn’t speak, let alone think anymore. He was sucking now, creating a vacuum every time he moved back. It felt like a fire was building inside of me, a fire that desperately wanted out. I tugged his hair, trying to tell him what I knew I wouldn’t be able to say. I was so close… so close.
Once, twice more, and that was all it took. The release was explosive as I came into his mouth. He closed his eyes in contentment as he kept going, swallowing every drop he had elicited from me. I slumped against the cabin, barely able to stand up. My breathing was ragged, and I was hit with the realization of what just happened. Edward had just gone down on me. My dick had been in another guy’s mouth. Don’t get me wrong, it was Edward, and it was amazing – by far the best thing I’ve ever felt in my life – but it was overwhelming, to say the least. I put my hands over my eyes and tried desperately to catch my breath.
Edward gently tucked everything in its place again, buttoned me back up, and strapped my belt back around my waist. He slowly stood up, and I think he watched me for a moment. I don’t know for sure, since I had my hands over my eyes, but he was quiet. Then I felt him wrap his arms around me, and he held me to him. I started to calm down almost instantly, took a deep breath, and slipped my arms around his waist. I buried my face into his shoulder, taking in deep gulps of air, his scent invading my senses. I couldn’t speak yet, so I just hugged him tighter. I heard him whisper softly, “Thank you, Jazz.”
He planted several kisses on my neck, and we just stood there for a while.
I couldn’t help but smile softly at the memory. He tilted his head in question. I knew what I wanted to do, but there was something we had to do first. “I think we should talk.”
He nodded in agreement.
“We’ve got a lot to catch up on.” His voice was still husky, and I wondered if he was remembering as well.
I nodded and cleared my throat, still somewhat embarrassed. “I umm…I’m going to go get dressed.” Yes, for God’s sake, we need to put clothes on. I don’t know what will happen if we don’t.
“Yeah, I suppose we should,” Edward said with a sheepish grin on his face.
He chuckled softly and went to grab his things so he could take a quick shower. I dressed slowly and sat down while I waited for him to be done. I couldn’t help but chuckle as I saw him dart back in to get dressed. He grinned shyly as he noticed me watching him. We didn’t speak until we got to his car. I looked at him and cocked an eyebrow, a smile tugging at the corner of my mouth. A Lexus RX Hybrid, Edward?
He shrugged as he answered my unspoken question, “The wasting of finite resources is everyone’s business.” He grinned and winked at me.
I chuckled and shook my head, pointing at my bike. “Indeed, why do you think I have a bicycle?”
We ended up putting my bike in the back of his car, very carefully. Edward was a little on the over protective side of his vehicle. Once we were in the car, he looked at me as he turned the key in the ignition. “McMenamins okay?”
Since I didn’t know the place, I just shrugged. “Sure.”
We managed to find a seat at the last empty table in the bar and ordered a Porter each and some sweet potato fries to share. Neither of us spoke for a while, and I kept my eyes glued to the table. My stomach was doing somersaults. Our knees touched under the table, and the current flowing through me did little to calm me this time. I wasn’t about to move, though, and it appeared he wasn’t, either. Our beers and food arrived, and we ate quietly.
When I finally looked up, it was to meet his eyes on mine. Smiling a small smile, I sighed softly. “Hi…”
He smirked and replied in kind, “Hi.”
“Did you hear that they’re keeping Jessica overnight for observation?”
Great… out of everything there is to talk about – that you should talk about – you choose this? Get a grip, Jasper! I fidgeted in my chair, shooting him an apologetic glance.
He cleared his throat, his brow furrowing as he answered. “Yeah, Vanessa told me right before I went back into the locker room…” He paused for a moment, the crease on his forehead deepening. “I umm…I talked with James’ Dad about what happened.”
He rubbed the back of his neck as he started to explain about losing his temper with the man. How James had looked terrified at the thought of what waited for him at home. How he had calmed down enough to assure James he was welcome to return to the class, as long as he was sure to visit Jessica and apologize to her and her mother. And, of course, to strictly obey the rules in future.
We basically skirted around the issues, until finally he put both hands flat on the table between us, pushing himself straight and looking right at me. “Jazz…”
I raised my eyes to meet his and gulped. Here we go… His beautiful green eyes almost shimmered with emotion. There were almost too many flickering through them, but I thought I saw hurt, anger, and… love? Can’t be. That was ten years ago; there’s no way…. And could that even have been… love? I frowned slightly to myself and sighed.
“What happened? At camp, I thought…” He trailed off, looking hurt and uncomfortable, and my heart ached for him.
I did that…How am I ever going to explain, without hurting him more? Heck, I’m not even sure I understand everything that was going on then, let alone what I still feel now.
I leaned forward onto the table and ran a hand through my hair.
It was two days before camp was over. Rosalie had called me to make sure that I knew the final plans to pick me up. It had been up in the air, since Dad was going to be transferred again right around the same time. We’d chatted for a few minutes after that, and she told me how Dad had come home earlier that week, looking like thunder. She explained that two of his subordinates had been caught sleeping together, and he’d spent all night ranting and raving about it. “It’s just not right”-this, “No place for fags in the Army”-that. The more she said, the further I could feel my stomach drop, to the point where I felt physically sick.
I made my excuses to Rosalie and went straight to our cabin, instead of back to the pool to continue training. I climbed into bed and curled into a ball. The tears ran silently down my cheeks as I tried to wrap my head around what Rose had told me. How could I face Dad now? I had done things with Edward, had let him do things to me, that Dad would never approve of. He would hate me. I knew, without a doubt, that he could not love me if he knew.
Even thinking about not being able to be in touch with Edward killed me. It felt like a knife had cut through my heart, it hurt so bad. I wanted to be with him. These last few weeks had been amazing…how could I let that go? I knew we lived in different parts of the country, but we moved so often that that mattered little. We would be able to work it out, or at least, I would have liked to have tried. But I knew I couldn’t. I could not risk losing my family.
Not even for him.
So I decided then and there to pull away. I ignored Edward as best I could, even though the draw toward him seemed to grow stronger the harder I tried to stay away. I refused to be near him if I could help it. I felt like I was dying inside, but to allow myself these last two days would be worse. Or so I kept telling myself. And how would I have been able to explain it to him? I could tell it hurt him that I was shunning him – it had come out of left field. And yet I couldn’t stop. If I did, I’d surely surrender myself to him completely. And lose my family in the process.
“I owe you an apology, Edward,” I began, pausing as I wondered how I could ever make it up to him. “I owe you so much more than that.”
I took a deep breath and launched into my explanation. About Dad, my fears, my pain as a result of the choice I had made. And I apologized again and again for having done it.