I glanced at Edward as he drove us home. The evening had gone by quickly, and I spent the drive home thinking about it. I took his hand in mine, entwining our fingers as I rested them on the console between us. I smiled at him as he looked at me briefly, and squeezed my hand. He was letting me process the evening, and I appreciated it very much. As he turned his attention back to the road, I continued to examine his expression. He appeared more relaxed and much happier than he was before we went to his parents’ place.
I thought back to how nervous I had been and it almost seemed silly now. Esme and Carlisle both gave me a warm welcome into their home. They had done everything to try and make me feel at ease. Esme in particular had been very affectionate and I was looking forward to getting to know her better.
Esme hugged me tightly as we were about to leave. She looked at me with a warm smile.
“Jasper, if you are available, would you join me for lunch one day next week?”
I glanced at Edward with surprise before focusing on Esme again.
“Uhm, sure, Esme. I’d like that, thank you.”
Her smile brightened as she patted my arm gently.
“Is it alright if I call you, so we can schedule a time?”
We exchanged phone numbers, and after hugging Edward goodbye, she gave me another hug, and whispered “Thank you, Jasper.” I wasn’t entirely sure what she was thanking me for, so I just nodded after hugging her back.
I sighed softly, before bringing our joined hands to my lips, kissing Edward’s knuckles. He turned to look at me with a lifted eyebrow and a crooked smile.
“What was that for?”
I chuckled and shook my head.
I kissed the back of his hand as he squeezed mine. He chuckled softly as he focused on his driving again. I wondered briefly what he was thinking, but figured he was probably replaying the evening like I was. I couldn’t keep the smile from my lips as I thought about earlier in the evening when we had played together. The music he’d written for his parents had been amazing. I’d known he composed music, but was incredibly impressed by – and proud of – his music and its beauty. And then when he had sung ‘Fly Me To The Moon’, it almost felt as he was singing it just for me.
I was able to continue playing the guitar, but only barely. I’d forgotten all about Esme and Carlisle, as I focused on Edward. My heart was beating so fast I’d have sworn it would fly out of my chest and keep going to the moon. When the song concluded, we just stared at each other for a few heartbeats. The last few lines were ringing in my ears. “In other words, please be true. In other words, I love you.”
I wanted to know if he was just singing a romantic love song or if the lyrics had a more specific message. But I didn’t ask – I was just too nervous – and yet I had a strange compulsion to tell him how I felt. The right words were escaping me and I just sat there. Then Edward leaned forward and kissed me lightly on the lips, effectively breaking the trance I’d been in.
Edward squeezed my hand, trying to get my attention. I blinked, shaking my head before turning to look at him. He removed his hand from mine, lifting it to my cheek instead. He caressed my face with the back of his fingers as he watched me carefully.
“We’re home, baby. Are you alright?”
“Yeah, was just thinking about tonight.”
I smiled softly at him, catching his hand in mine before bringing his fingers to my lips again. ‘We’re home’, I like the sound of that. I shook off the thought as I let go of his hand. I got out of the car and waited for him to join me. As soon as he was close enough, I put my fingers through his belt-loops and pulled him to me, slipping my arms around his waist. I needed to have him closer. I felt him put his arms around me as he rested his head on my shoulder. He gave a sigh of contentment as I placed a soft kiss on his neck.
“Thank you.” I murmured.
He pulled back a little to look in my eyes, he had a puzzled expression and I couldn’t quite stifle the chuckle that wanted to escape my lips.
“For tonight and for always being there.” I specified.
He grinned crookedly before kissing me tenderly.
“Always. Come on, let’s get upstairs, baby.”
We each kept an arm around the other’s waist as we headed to the elevator. Once we were inside, I leaned into him, brushing my lips against his several times before he caught mine. I moaned into the kiss as he put his hand against the small of my back, pressing my hips into his. I felt his hands run slowly up my back as I pulled away from the kiss, sighing softly against his lips. I felt so content being with him, I couldn’t recall ever having been with anyone before and feeling this happy, this whole. I gazed into his eyes, smiling softly at him. His answering smile made my breath hitch. I love him. Tell him!
I opened and closed my mouth a few times, but no words came out. Again. Why can’t I tell him? It’s three little words. Little they may be, but they can change your life, Jasper. I sighed, and at that moment, the elevator doors opened on our floor. Our floor. We’re home. I’m home. Edward opened the door and waited for me to go through, but I was so lost in thought, I just stood there. It wasn’t until he put his hand on my shoulder that I snapped out of it, and looked at him.
“Sorry.” I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. Pull yourself together, man.
Once inside, Edward drew me over to the couch, and we cuddled together. He wrapped his arms around me as I sat next to him curling my legs under me. He placed a soft kiss on the crown of my head, murmuring.
“So what did you think? Was it as bad as you feared?”
I could practically hear his smirk. I elbowed him lightly in the ribs as I gave him a sideways glance, trying hard to keep a straight face. Time to have a little bit of fun with him.
He pulled away and looked at me with a frown.
“Yes, worse! That picture of you on your parents’ anniversary?” I shuddered for effect. “I mean, that slicked forward Caesar cut? Really, Edward?”
I tried to keep a straight face as I looked at him, but he seemed so shocked at my comment that it was hard to do so. I started to laugh and ruffled his hair as he gaped at me.
“Give me sex-hair any day.”
I winked at him, grinning widely as he just shook his head.
He muttered. “Unbelievable….”
I took a deep breath and cupped his cheek in my hand.
“In all seriousness though, no, it wasn’t as bad as I thought. Your parents are wonderful people, darlin’. You’re very lucky to have them in your life.”
He smiled warmly at me before turning his head enough to place a kiss in the palm of my hand.
“They’re a part of your life now, too, baby.”
“I think I like that.” I chuckled. “Especially if it means more of your mother’s tiramisu!”
Edward growled so softly I almost couldn’t hear it, but I could feel the vibrations in his chest as I sat against him. His eyes got darker as he pushed me down on the sofa, leaning over me like a cat would over its prey. I raised an eyebrow at him, grinning.
“As much as I enjoyed the look on your face when you had the tiramisu, I much prefer seeing it in private. You looked like you were about to come,” He palmed my groin, causing me to moan and my eyes to roll back. “And that is definitely something I’d rather not see caused by anyone but me.”
My voice was a little rough as I attempted to answer him, not quite ready to give in.
“Well, the tiramisu was very good.”
He leaned down further so his lips were brushing against my ear as he whispered huskily.
“I can give you far better than that, Jazz.”
I shivered and let out a soft “Fuck….” as he sucked on my earlobe.
He murmured. “My pleasure, baby.”
With that, he shot off the couch and grabbed my hand, pulling me up so I was standing flush against his body. My breath hitched slightly when I saw the look of sheer want in his eyes. The fire in them igniting my own, I reached my hand up and fisted his hair, pulling his face to mine as I kissed him hungrily. I pulled away and whispered against his lips.
“Promises, promises, Edward.”
His eyes shot to mine briefly before he spun around and dragged me to the bedroom. Once we were by the bed, he grabbed the hem of my shirt and lifted it up and over my head without bothering to undo the buttons. It landed somewhere on the floor, but I paid no attention to it. His hands were already unbuckling my belt and my unusually nimble fingers were unbuttoning his shirt, pushing it back over his shoulders. My belt loose, he allowed me to pull off his shirt before tending to my jeans.
By the time we were both undressed, my heart was beating a mile a minute and my mind had gone blank, leaving all of my senses to focus on him. I heard Edward take a deep breath as if to steady himself, while he slowly trailed his hands down from my shoulders to my hands. He squeezed my hands as he kissed me briefly. I lay down on the bed, pulling him to me so he was lying between my legs. He put his arms on either side of me, leaning on them so his weight wasn’t fully on me. I let my fingers move lazily up and down his back. Part of me was burning for him, and another was a little worried about what that meant for what was to come. Okay, maybe a lot worried.
He bent down, taking my lower lip between his and sucked lightly on it before letting it go. He rocked his hips slowly, and I moaned as his cock rubbed against mine. In our haste to get to the bedroom, I realized we didn’t shut off the lights in the living room nor closed the blinds. The room was in semi-darkness, allowing us to see each other without the feeling of being on display. I stared into Edward’s eyes, the desire and love reflected in them was so overwhelming, it left me breathless.
He shifted slightly against me as he caressed my cheek. His eyes still burning, I could almost see as he tried to rein himself in. My heart ached at the thought of him holding back – again – waiting for me to be ready. How do I fix this? Don’t fuck this up, Jasper. It’s time to move forward, and you need to let him know. You know you want to, so just do it! This is Edward and you want, no need, to have a more intimate relationship with him.
His voice was rough with emotion as he started to speak. “Jazz, I’m sor…”
I cut him off as I grabbed his face in both my hands and planted a searing kiss on his lips. I felt him respond in kind. As the kiss concluded, leaving both of us panting, I pulled away to look him directly in the eye, needing him to know I was ready – that I was sure.
“Don’t you dare finish that sentence, Edward.” My voice was so husky; I barely got it above a whisper as I continued. “Darlin’, please, I need you to know how much you mean to me. Since we found each other again, I have felt so loved and happy. Edward, I want to be fully connected with you – I-I love you…”
I saw Edward’s body still and a slight gasp escaped his lips as his eyes searched mine. My heart was now beating triple-time and I could hear the blood pounding in my ears as I watched him. Why is he so quiet? Please say something, Edward. He blinked once, twice; his eyes glistening slightly. And then his face lit up with the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. He cupped his hand to my cheek, his thumb caressing my cheekbone as he spoke softly.
“I love you, too, Jasper. So very much. I have wanted to tell you for so long, but I didn’t want to pressure you.”
I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding, relief flooding me at his words. I had known, deep down, he loved me. He’d shown me as much at every turn, by his actions. For God’s sake, the man bought a bike rack and had it installed on his precious Lexus! But to hear him say the words elated me, and I felt my own smile in answer to his. His lips met mine in a slow, tender kiss. My hands moved to his hair, running my fingers through his silken locks. I tilted my head slightly, my tongue begging for entry into his mouth. He opened his lips and our tongues moved languidly together. The lustful inferno from earlier was gone, replaced by slow, hot burning embers, and it felt perfect. I pulled away from his lips, leaving a trail of open mouthed kisses along his jaw to his ear and breathed into it.
“Show me, Edward. Please?”
“Are you sure, Jazz?”
I nodded and he kissed me briefly.
He rolled off of me and opened the drawer of the bedside table. He reached inside, pulling out a bottle of lube and a condom. I could feel the blush creeping up my neck as I remembered what Rose had done. Stop right there, because nothing is going to kill this moment faster than images of your sister! I caught Edward’s eyes and he chuckled softly as though he had just read my mind. He placed the items on the table and moved back to me, stroking my cheek, his eyes on mine.
“You’ll need to relax, baby.”
He moved the bottle and condom onto the bed so they were within his reach. I took a deep breath in an attempt to calm my nerves. Edward’s hands returned to hold my face as he kissed my lips. He swiftly moved his attention to my jaw, followed by licking my neck and grabbing my earlobe between his teeth. I shuddered slightly as I felt his hot breath on my neck as he said “Jazz, we are in this together and we will move at your pace.” I gave a quick nod of acknowledgement knowing I could not trust my voice given all the emotions that were whirling within me – lust and love, tinged with fear and anxiety.
Edward moved his hands and mouth down my body, placing tender kisses as he went. When he got to my left nipple he leisurely swirled his tongue around it causing the sensitive nub to pebble and harden. As his mouth continued its ministrations, his fingers found my right nipple and he gently rolled it between his thumb and forefinger. As his teeth grazed my nipple, my back arched causing my hardened cock to brush his thigh, bringing a quick groan from my lips. He kept his eyes on me, his hands caressing every part of me he could reach. His movements were slow and patient, every caress leaving my skin ablaze. I tried to stay focused on him and the sublime pleasure he was bringing me, to distract me from my building anxiety. I reminded myself that this was Edward and that I wanted this with him.
My cock twitched as Edward kissed the tip of it before running his tongue down my shaft. I moaned as he slowly took me in his mouth. His movements were gentle and steady, designed to please but not bring release. He was aiming to distract me and it was working. He hummed as he continued to suck lightly, I closed my eyes and was soon so lost to the sensation that I didn’t hear the soft ‘snap’ of the lid as he opened the bottle of lube.
I flinched as I felt his finger press slowly into me, hissing at the unexpected intrusion and slight discomfort. My eyes flew open and my body tensed. He released my cock from his mouth and whispered softly.
“Try to relax, baby. Right now I am just trying to prepare you. If it gets to be too much or you want me to stop, just tell me.” He returned to my mouth to give me a soft, reassuring kiss. Once I was calmed, his other hand wrapped around my shaft and he stroked it a few times before continuing. “Focus on me and the pleasure.”
I nodded, not trusting my voice at that moment. Trust him, focus on him. I took a steadying breath and did my best to relax. Edward took me in his mouth again and before long I could feel his finger pumping in and out of me in a slow rhythm, stroking against my prostate; the discomfort soon forgotten.
I moaned. “Fuck…”
He slipped in a second finger, causing me to hiss again. He paused for a moment watching me to assess my comfort as he continued to slide his fingers in and out. He placed a kiss on the inside of either thigh before adding a third finger. The feeling was intense as he slowly stretched me, each one of his movements stroking my prostate. I was grasping at the sheets, needing to do something as he continued his measured pace. The need to feel him inside of me, to gain some release was building. Good God…please…
My eyes searched for his as I let out another moan. “Please, Edward….I need you inside me.”
He pulled his fingers out after one final stroke and reached for the condom wrapper, but I snatched it from his fingers. He gave me his crooked smirk as I opened the condom wrapper with my teeth. While sporting my own grin, I rolled the condom down his hardened shaft and coated him with lube before tossing the bottle on the bedside table. It rolled off the edge and fell to the floor, but neither of us could be bothered by that right now. He settled himself between my legs, hitching them up over his hips. He leaned forward a little, positioning his cock at my entrance and I could feel his head pressing against me.
“I love you, Jazz.”
I reached a hand to his face, stroking his cheek, nodding for him to continue.
“I love you, too, Edward.”
With that, he pressed slowly into me and I gasped as I felt him penetrate me. He paused to allow me time to adjust to the feel of him. Although it hurt more than his fingers had, the desire to be fully connected with Edward was even stronger. He slowly pressed further in at steady intervals so I could accommodate him. I focused on breathing and trying to relax. Once he was sheathed to the hilt, he stopped momentarily and just watched my face. Taking a moment to adjust to being filled by him, the initial pain dissipated as I fully focused on the feel of him inside of me.
After a moment though I needed friction and began pushing my hips against him to alert him that I was ready for more. Edward rocked his hips back and forth, causing us both to moan. With every pass, my body felt more and more as if it were on fire. I bucked my hips, urging him to move faster. When he did, my eyes rolled back into my head. I felt him shift over me as he leaned down, capturing my lips with his. The change in angle caused him to go even deeper. I feverishly kissed him back, my hands running through his hair, over his back, anywhere I could reach. I just needed to feel more of him, everything of him.
As Edward quickened his thrusts, he also began stroking my cock; my every sense was overwhelmed by him and I felt myself spiraling towards my release. He pulled back from our kiss, lifting himself up slightly, and this final change in positioning pushed me over the edge. I let loose a strangled cry as I came hard over Edward’s hand and both of our chests. My back arched and I felt my muscles spasm, clenching around Edward’s cock and bringing him to his own release, prolonging the sensations washing over me.
“Oh God, Jasper……”
As he finally stilled, he rested his head against my shoulder. We were both panting for breath. My throat constricted as I put my arms around him clutching him as close as possible to my body. My senses, my emotions all seemed to be in overdrive and I was reeling. I had never in my life had such an intense sexual experience as this, and it was because of him. I knew without a doubt that Edward was my world now, and that we had just cemented that bond in the most basic of ways.
I felt Edward’s fingers as he wiped away stray tears off my cheek, his eyes were intent on mine filled with concern and love. I smiled softly at him; I hadn’t even realized I’d started to cry.
“Are you alright?” He whispered.
“Never better, darlin’.”