It was quiet in the swimming hall. I’d gotten there half an hour earlier than normal, hoping to avoid being in the locker room at the same time as Jasper. I could not be that close to him and not do or say something that might make him uncomfortable; not when there were showers involved at least. It felt as if, now that we’d told one another how we felt, I couldn’t stop wanting to tell him all the time. I’d thought maybe it’d get easier to be around him once I’d told him I loved him, but instead it was proving to be worse in some ways.
I sighed as I let the spray of the water cascade down my back, letting it wash away some of the nerves I was feeling. This was the second class and training session since that night, and the first day had been so hard. Everything in me wanted to hold him close, to touch, to kiss and to tell him ‘I love you’ at every opportunity. Jasper seemed to have difficulty as well, probably doubly so because he was still holding back about coming out. This wasn’t something I could push him on, I knew this already, but damn if it wasn’t biting me in the ass right now. It felt like all I wanted to do was to shout it off the rooftops, to show everyone that Jasper was mine, that he loved me and I him. And I couldn’t. Up until now, I hadn’t allowed myself to think too much on it, but after last weekend, it was as if it was constantly on my mind, and it was frustrating the hell out of me.
I got out of the shower and pulled on my trunks and a shirt, walking into the hall. Figuring I might as well get everything ready for class, I gathered the ropes and put them in the water to make lanes. The kids were supposed to train for an upcoming event the club was holding. The club hosted an annual marathon-type of event for swimmers, to raise money for a designated charity. Each year they chose a different one; this year it was ‘The Boys and Girls Club of America.’
Set up only took a few minutes, and I found myself with time on my hands. I sat down in the stands, my arms resting on my knees, staring blankly ahead, my mind wandering to last weekend.
The night had gone so much better than I had expected. Mom and Dad were very taken with Jasper, as I had known they would be. When Esme asked him out to lunch this week, I wasn’t surprised. I was elated that they had hit it off, and that Jasper had felt comfortable around them.
He’d been quiet on the way home. I knew he was thinking about what had happened and that he needed the space to collect his thoughts. I was happy to give it to him, he was much more at ease, and I was grateful for it. When we got home, he seemed distracted though. When I pulled him to me and snuggled with him on the couch, he quickly snapped out of his pensive mood and turned playful. I hadn’t expected him to tease me, but I took it as a good sign.
However, when he brought up what happened over dessert, I growled, remembering how he had looked. I pushed him back against the couch so I was leaning over him, he was just grinning up at me.
“As much as I enjoyed the look on your face when you had the tiramisu, I much prefer seeing it in private. You looked like you were about to come,” I palmed his groin, causing him to moan and I smirked as I noticed his eyes roll back. “And that is definitely something I’d rather not see caused by anyone but me.”
His voice was rough as he spoke, “Well, the tiramisu was very good.”
I was about ready to forget all about taking things easy, I wanted him so badly at that point. I leaned down, grazing my lips over his ear as I whispered my voice husky with want, “I can give you far better than that, Jazz.”
I sucked on his earlobe, I felt him shiver as a soft ‘Fuck…” escaped his lips. God, I wanted him.
I murmured softly in response, “My pleasure, baby.” And shot off the couch, pulling him up against me. My body felt as if it was on fire from the desire I felt for him. My eyes burned into his, and before I knew it, he had his hands in my hair, kissing me hungrily before whispering to me, “Promises, promises, Edward.”
Something snapped inside of me at his words, suddenly I couldn’t get him to my…our bed fast enough. I didn’t even bother with the lights or the blinds, I just wanted him, now. Once we got to the side of the bed, I pulled off his shirt, not taking the time to unbutton it, tossing it aside. I didn’t care where it landed, my focus was directed solely at the man in front of me. I felt his fingers work on the buttons of my shirt as I worked on his jeans. The clothes just had to go.
I took a deep breath as I watched Jasper, trying to regain my senses and get some control over my need for him. I let my hands slide from his shoulders down to his hands, squeezing them as I kissed him. Jasper went to lay down on the bed, pulling me to him. I placed my hands on either side of him in an effort to keep my weight off of him, enjoying the feel of his fingers as he trailed his fingers over my back. I lowered myself slowly, taking his lower lip, sucking lightly on it. I rocked my hips slowly, earning a moan from him. God, I love the feel of him against me.
We looked into each other’s eyes, and I could see his want, as well as hesitation, fear even. His whispered, “Edward…” stopped me short. What am I doing? I’m pushing him. The thought of pushing him into this when he wasn’t ready made my heart ache. I couldn’t do that to him, would not do that. I shifted slightly so I could caress his cheek. My voice was rough as I started to speak, “Jazz, I’m sor…”
I never got to finish my sentence, as the next thing I knew, he was crashing his lips to mine with such intensity I could only respond in kind. The fire behind his kiss nearly consumed every thought I had. He held my face in both his hands, and he didn’t pull away until we needed to catch our breath. He looked me right in the eye as he spoke, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Don’t you dare finish that sentence, Edward! Darlin’, please, I need you to know how much you mean to me. Since we found each other again, I have felt so loved and happy. Edward, I want to be fully connected with you – I-I love you…”
I stilled and gasped at his words, the three words I had most longed to hear from him, had most longed to say. My eyes darted between his as my heart soared. I could have wept for joy, and very nearly did. I blinked rapidly as I tried to find my voice. I smiled at him as I cupped his cheek, caressing his cheekbone with my thumb as I spoke softly, “I love you, too, Jasper. So very much. I have wanted to tell you for so long, but I didn’t want to pressure you.”
After we kissed for a while – sweet, tender kisses – he shook me again by asking me to show him. I asked if he was sure. God knows I wanted nothing more than to make love to him, but he had to be sure. He nodded, so I rolled off of him, grabbing a condom and lube from the bedside drawer. I glanced over at him and noted a slight blush on his cheeks, and I couldn’t help but chuckle at him, sure that he remembered Rose. I needed for him to relax though, and thinking about his sister would not be helpful.
I placed the items on the table so I could stroke his cheek. I watched him closely, looking for any sign that he was changing his mind. I saw none, so I told him to relax. He took a deep breath. I kissed him on the lips before moving to his jaw, licking his neck and nibbling on his earlobe. I breathed onto his neck as I spoke softly, “Jazz, we are in this together and we will move at your pace.”
At his nod, I made my way down his body slowly, caressing, kissing every inch of him I could reach. I knew I needed to get him past the point of fear, give him pleasure to focus on instead. I kept my eyes on him, taking my cues from him. I kissed the tip of his cock, causing it to twitch. I ran my tongue down his shaft before I took him into my mouth. My movements were slow and steady. I wanted to make him feel good – to distract him – and it seemed to be working. I opened the bottle of lube and after putting some on my fingers I pressed a finger into him slowly. He tensed and hissed, so I released his cock from my mouth to speak to him,
“Try to relax, baby. Right now I am just trying to prepare you. If it gets to be too much or you want me to stop, just tell me.” I leaned forward to give him a kiss, I could feel him relax a little and I wrapped my hand around his shaft as I spoke again, “Focus on me and on the pleasure.”
He nodded and took a deep breath. I took his shaft in my mouth again, pumping my fingers in and out slowly, letting him get used to the feel of it. I slipped in another finger as I heard him moan, “Fuck…” I paused briefly, making sure he was alright before moving my fingers again. I kissed him on either thigh as I added a third finger, stretching him further. He was grasping the sheets as he called to me breathily, “Please, Edward….I need you inside me.”
I pulled my fingers out gently, reaching for the condom wrapper next to me, but Jasper beat me to it, his crooked smirk in place as he opened it with his teeth. I’m sure my own grin matched his as he rolled the condom over my length, coating it with lube and tossing the bottle to the bedside table. I heard it fall to the floor, but kept my focus on the man who was about to give me such a precious gift. I settled myself between his legs, pulling his over my thighs.
I leaned forward slightly, the tip of my cock pressing lightly against his entrance. I still couldn’t believe this was happening, my heart was hammering in my chest.
“I love you, Jazz.”
He nodded, stroking my cheek as he spoke, “I love you, too, Edward.”
I heard him gasp as I pressed into him; I continued to move slowly, fighting the urge to just let go and pausing every so often to allow him to get used to the feeling of having me inside of him. Once I was fully sheathed, it took all I had to stay still. I kept watching his expressions closely, making sure he was okay. When I felt him push his hips against me we both moaned and I started to rock back and forth. When he bucked his hips against me, I responded by moving faster.
I leaned down, capturing his lips and the change in angle allowed me to go even deeper. God he feels so good, so good…He kissed me back, his hands were everywhere and I rejoiced in the knowledge that I was doing this with him. I picked up the pace a little, reaching between us to stroke his cock, wanting him to come with me. I was getting so very close. I pulled back from our kiss, lifting up a little and he came, letting loose a strangled cry, back arching. His muscles clenched around me, pushing me over the brink and I came hard.
“Oh God, Jasper…”
I rested my forehead against his shoulder, just staying still as we tried to catch our breath. I felt him put his arms around me, holding me close. Making love to Jasper had been so intense, and as often as I had imagined it, the real thing had been so much better. I didn’t ever want to let him go. I took a deep breath as I lifted up a little so I could look at him. I frowned a little as I noted the tears running down his cheeks, instantly worried I had hurt him. I wiped away his tears and whispered, “Are you alright?”
His smile was genuine, as was his assurance he’d never been better. I smiled and kissed him tenderly.
I whispered, “Thank you, Jasper.”
I pulled out of him slowly, taking care the condom didn’t slip. I got up and walked to the bathroom to get rid of it, and to clean up. I wet a washcloth and took it to Jasper, gently wiping him down. I placed a soft kiss on his lips and went to the bathroom to deposit the cloth. Before going back to the bedroom, I went and turned off the lights in the living room. When I climbed back in bed, I gathered him in my arms, kissing him tenderly. After a little while, he sighed contentedly and looked at me.
“I feel like I’m the one that should be thanking you, darlin’.”
We talked for a little while longer before we finally fell asleep. The following morning I woke up to Jasper kissing and nipping at my chest while I moaned softly. I could get used to this very quickly. We spent most of the morning just caressing each other, making out and whispering ‘I love you’ to each other. I never wanted it to end.
Our grumbling stomachs eventually coerced us out of bed though, so we got dressed and made paninis for lunch. Getting the food ready took us a lot longer than it needed to, as neither one of us was able to keep our hands of the other.
I started when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I’d been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t even noticed anyone come in. When my senses caught up with me, I realized it was Jasper standing in front of me. I reacted without thinking, slipping my arms around his waist and resting my forehead against his stomach. I felt him stiffen for a brief moment, and I silently cursed myself for slipping up. As I started to pull away though, he stopped me by placing his hand on the back of my head, holding me in place for a moment. I sighed in relief and hugged him as I muttered against his stomach, “Thanks, baby.”
He started kneeling down in front of me, so I let him go. He took my hands in both of his, a sad smile on his lips. I’m not sure what he saw on my face, but something flickered in his eyes as I looked at him. He sighed and shook his head a little, “I’m sorry, darlin’. I’m not making things easy on you, am I?”
I squeezed his hands, looking down at them with a frown, “Jazz . . .” I raised my eyes to meet his, giving him a small smile, “I’m not going to say that everything’s entirely perfect and nothing’s bothering me. You and I both know that’s not exactly the case. I understand though, and I’m trying to respect your wish not to have any public displays of affection. I’m sorry I did that just now, I wasn’t thinking.”
I looked around us and saw the kids walking into the hall. I got up, squeezed his hands once more before letting go and said, “Can we talk about this after class and training? I’m alright, I promise.”
He looked at me for a moment, seeming to think things over before nodding. The look in his eyes bothered me, he looked like he was hurting, worried, and I knew that that was my fault. Please don’t be upset, Jazz. Great job, Cullen, way to fuck things up just as things are going right. Please be okay, baby. I placed my hand on his shoulder, and whispered, “I love you, Jazz.”
He smiled his crooked smile at me and whispered back, “I love you, too. Go, Edward, teach class, we’ll talk later.” He tilted his head to the pool as he turned and patted my shoulder briefly. I took a deep breath and nodded before walking to the side of the pool. Focus, Cullen, get through the next couple of hours, then you can deal with things.
The kids were all lined up at the side, waiting rather impatiently and fidgeting. They wanted to get in the water, and I couldn’t really blame them, I wanted to swim out some of the frustration I was feeling as well. I stood in front of them, gave a short, sharp blow on my whistle to get their attention and proceeded to explain what the event was about. Some of the kids had been in the club long enough to know about it already, but there were one or two who had not taken part in it before, so it was necessary.
After being told they’d be given sponsorship forms as well as parental permission slips to take home after class, they were assigned to lanes. Since there were nine kids, and five lanes, they were put two to a lane. James, who tended to be more physical and territorial, was put in his own lane. I did not want any trouble with him, especially not today. I didn’t think I’d be able to deal with it very well. To make things a little more exciting for them today, I had made sure to have a prize for the top three swimmers, as well as consolation prizes for the rest, which they could pick up in the cafeteria. I figured that ice cream was enough of an incentive and given the exuberance with which they set themselves to the task, they seemed to agree.
Along with me, Jasper and the helpers stood on either end of the pool, watching each lane and keeping track of each swimmer. Time went by more quickly than I had expected, which I suppose was a good thing. I blew the whistle and had all the kids come to the side of the pool, while we quickly compared notes and figured out who had won. James surprised us by having completed the most laps. Apparently as long as he had no distractions, he was an excellent swimmer. I gave the list to Jasper, asking him to announce who’d come in second and third, and to direct everyone to the cafeteria for their prizes after they’d changed.
“James, come here please?”
He looked up at me with apprehension in his eyes as he walked cautiously up to me. I knelt down in front of him and smiled at him.
“I’m proud of you, James. You did really well and swam the most laps out of everyone.”
He looked at me skeptically at first, but as he saw I was serious about my statement, his eyes widened and the smile that came over him all but split his face in two.
“Yes, James, really. If you can keep it up, you might want to consider joining the swim team at some point. It might be good for you to have focus.”
He grinned crookedly at me, and I couldn’t help but chuckle softly as he nodded. I patted him on the shoulder and tilted my head to the locker room. “Off you go, you’ve got an ice cream waiting in the cafeteria with your name on it. You’ve earned it.”
As James made his way to the locker room, I stood back up and turned around to find Jasper standing behind me with a bemused and oddly proud look on his face. “What?”
“Nothing. That was a nice thing you just did, is all. I don’t think he’s ever been told by anyone that they were proud of him.”
I gave him a half-smile, rubbing the back of my neck as I answered, “Yeah, I got that feeling as well, and he honestly was good today.”
He watched me for a moment, the way he was smiling at me, the tenderness I saw reflected in his eyes, did nothing for my need to touch him. I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment to collect myself. My eyes snapped open when I felt his hand on my chest, and his breath fanning over my cheek. I was almost afraid to move as he spoke, “You’re a good man, Edward Cullen.”
He kissed my cheek softly before walking to the locker room to change for training. I just stood there, heart hammering in my chest. What just happened? I turned around, taking in my surroundings. There weren’t very many people in yet. Alice, Bella and Angela were already in the hall and Emmett, Tyler and Felix were just walking in. Bella stood at the other end of the pool, watching me with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. I just rolled my eyes at her, not sure I even wanted to know what was going through her mind at the moment. As the rest of the team started trickling in, I quickly made for the locker room as well to change and hurry back.
Training went by quickly. After some endurance exercises, I split the team in half to scrimmage. Everyone was focused and we all got a good workout. It also allowed me to fine tune some of our offensive and defensive plays. Before I knew it though, time was up and we had to put everything back. Jasper told the others to leave it to the two of us, which was fine by me. Emmett just gave me a raised eyebrow, but otherwise kept his mouth shut. Well there’s a first. Wonder what’s up with that? I shook it off and went to gather up the balls we’d used.
As I bent down to grab the net of balls to sling it over my shoulder, I felt a pair of arms snake around my waist from behind and I straightened up. I knew we were alone, but that didn’t matter. I couldn’t have stopped the smile from coming to my lips if I had tried, so I didn’t. Jasper squeezed me briefly before allowing me to turn around in his arms. Taking my cue from him, I placed my hands on his hips, my eyes on his to gauge his reaction, “Jazz?”
He took a slow, deep breath before he said anything, “Can I come over tonight? We should talk.”
I frowned but nodded, “Of course, Jazz.”
I looked at him, searching his eyes, trying to figure out what he was thinking. He had a knack for taking me by surprise, and today certainly had not been an exception.